Showing posts with label sex jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex jokes. Show all posts

Friday, July 29, 2011

Teaching a Bunch of Hooligans.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Have a good laugh!!!

Teaching a Bunch of Hooligans.

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny, Pat?"

"I just saw one of your garters!"

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days!"

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"I just saw both of your garters!"

Again, she yells, "Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don't want to see you for three weeks!"

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you're going?" she asks.

"From what I just saw, my school days are over!"

Have a good laugh!!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

A Very Smart Dog.

A man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boy oh, I'm in deep s**t ." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

A Very Smart Dog.

A man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long he discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Boy oh, I'm in deep s**t ." Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Man, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the dog saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The cat is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dog sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks," What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers pretending he hasn't seen them yet. And just when they get close enough to hear, the dog says, "Where's that monkey. I just can never trust him. I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard, and he's still not back!!"

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Dale on a Plane to Atlanta.

A gentleman... ok lets call him Dale - was on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but found it to be occupied. The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face. “Sir,” she said, “the ladies’ restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.

Dale was about to poop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: “WW”, “WA”, and “PP”, and there was one red button labeled “ATR.”

Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn’t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the “WW” button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men’s restroom didn’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating even greater pleasure, Dale then pressed the “WA” button. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the “PP” button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies’ room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy.

He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. ”What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies’ restroom on a flight to Atlanta!

“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. “That last button marked “ATR” is an automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow.

Dale on a Plane to Atlanta.

A gentleman... ok lets call him Dale - was on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem. He had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but found it to be occupied. The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face. “Sir,” she said, “the ladies’ restroom is unoccupied. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall.

Dale was about to poop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: “WW”, “WA”, and “PP”, and there was one red button labeled “ATR.”

Who would really know if he touched them? He couldn’t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the “WW” button. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. Such a nice feeling came over him. The men’s restroom didn’t have nice things like this.

Anticipating even greater pleasure, Dale then pressed the “WA” button. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the “PP” button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies’ room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy.

He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face. ”What happened? How did I get here? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladies’ restroom on a flight to Atlanta!

“You pushed one too many buttons,” replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin. “That last button marked “ATR” is an automatic tampon remover. Your penis is under your pillow.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Wingz and his Matchbox company. =)

My friend Wingz is a very enterprising guy. I mean, he is such an entrepreneur, he owns many different businesses - and he is also a photographer and basically, he does many many things.

He owns a hair saloon... I dunno if its dodgy or not, or whether the shop offers 'extra happy ending services'.. LOL.

But you do know he is very diversified, and he even has a building in Hong Kong.

Recently, he started a matchbox company, making matches... to market the products, he decided to put images of his favourite sex positions... n here are the pictures...

See... one for every single day of the week!!! =)

Wingz and his Matchbox company. =)

My friend Wingz is a very enterprising guy. I mean, he is such an entrepreneur, he owns many different businesses - and he is also a photographer and basically, he does many many things.

He owns a hair saloon... I dunno if its dodgy or not, or whether the shop offers 'extra happy ending services'.. LOL.

But you do know he is very diversified, and he even has a building in Hong Kong.

Recently, he started a matchbox company, making matches... to market the products, he decided to put images of his favourite sex positions... n here are the pictures...

See... one for every single day of the week!!! =)

Monday, June 6, 2011

How To Survive a SEX SCANDAL!???

Nobody's more prone to, or used to, a juicy scandal than your favourite Tinseltown celeb. And while it's great entertainment fodder and weekend viewing on E! News, there's actually something to be learnt. Let them make the mistakes so you can learn about it. After all, no one's an angel, and no one should have to be.

The scandal: Caught with your pants around your ankles...literally

The chaos:

In this instance, it really depends who caught you. If it's a complete stranger who didn't whip out his phone and start clicking away, just get your stuff together and get out of there as soon as you can. If it was the police, you're probably looking at an arrest for indecent public exposure and behaviour.

How to survive:

If your problem is with the law, we say hang your head in shame, do what you're told to get the matter sorted. If you were caught by a stranger, it probably is the lesser of two evils. And, while the initial embarrassment will no doubt be an issue, chances are, the person who caught you two in the act won't even remember what you looked like within the next week.

How To Survive a SEX SCANDAL!???

Nobody's more prone to, or used to, a juicy scandal than your favourite Tinseltown celeb. And while it's great entertainment fodder and weekend viewing on E! News, there's actually something to be learnt. Let them make the mistakes so you can learn about it. After all, no one's an angel, and no one should have to be.

The scandal: Caught with your pants around your ankles...literally

The chaos:

In this instance, it really depends who caught you. If it's a complete stranger who didn't whip out his phone and start clicking away, just get your stuff together and get out of there as soon as you can. If it was the police, you're probably looking at an arrest for indecent public exposure and behaviour.

How to survive:

If your problem is with the law, we say hang your head in shame, do what you're told to get the matter sorted. If you were caught by a stranger, it probably is the lesser of two evils. And, while the initial embarrassment will no doubt be an issue, chances are, the person who caught you two in the act won't even remember what you looked like within the next week.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Sex and drug parties in Singapore chalets?

While it is usual to see teenagers in Singapore gathering in chalets for barbecues or birthday celebrations, some of their peers get together only to engage in sex and drug parties. Once intoxicated after a cocktail of alcohol and illegal drugs, some of these teens, which include girls as young as 14, engage in sexual intimacy -- from heavy petting to intercourse.

It is understood that such chalets stays are organised by some members of gangs in Singapore, and that they are getting more common. An 18-year-old former gangster who wanted to be known as John told The New Paper, "We would tell our parents that we were going for a barbecue, but we didn't even take any charcoal or chicken wings with us." While he had attended such sex-and-drug orgies twice, John — who left the gang last year after he was arrested for theft — claimed that he has not taken part in such vices.

"I don't do drugs, so I would go home when the rest got too 'high' and became violent or started taking their clothes off," said John, adding that most of the gang members at these parties were in their teens. Speaking in a mixture of Mandarin and Hokkien, John described the girls who take part in the parties as either "lor kway" (Hokkien for streetwalker) or some of them "ah dai" (fools). The former are girls considered to have loose morals, while "ah dai" refers to newbies who attend the chalet parties without knowing that drugs and sex are involved.

As they were under the influence of drugs such as ketamine and "ice", some of the teens have no recollection of their experiences the night before. The parties would usually have more males than females, said former gangsters. Such situations occasionally lead to several men sharing one woman and can even result in gang rape. When morning comes, they pack their bags and check out of their unit. The guys may go through the same routine a few months later with new girls, or "fresh meat" as they are called. A 28-year-old former gang member turned social worker, who wanted to be known as Peter, said he has not seen such a gang rape before, but he has heard of four or five such incidents among his former circle of friends.

"It is not just happening in chalets...such activities can also take place in pub shophouses or in the homes of the gang members," he added. However, John pointed out that not all chalet outings organised by his gangster friends involved sex and drugs.

Parents to be blamed?

Meanwhile, social workers said they have counseled those who have engaged in such vices as part of their gang activities. Those involved may not necessarily come from broken or low-income families, a common stereotype in the past, they said. But they noted that such teens usually suffer from an emotional emptiness at home. "Some parents give too little affection and neglect their children because they are busy, while others give too much attention because they are authoritative," said Faith Png, 39, a social worker with YouthReach. "Both will drive their children to seek freedom and love outside of the family and sometimes, the children befriend gangsters."

Executive director of Singapore Children's Society Alfred Tan, 50, blamed the media's portrayal of casual sex and easy access to pornography as resulting in the country's youth to become more promiscuous than in the past. "This is a worrying trend as there may be peer pressure to have sex. Instead of being harsh to their children, parents should get to know their friends," he told TNP. On the other hand, chalet operators said that they have not come across sex-and-drug-parties on their premises. Manager of Goldkist Beach Resort at East Coast Park Vikas Gupta, 22, said that the management has not encountered any such incidents thus far.

Steven Tang, director of Costa Sands Resort — which has two outlets in Pasir Ris and one in Sentosa — echoed the same thing, adding that it has always been its practice to increase security presence during peak hours. "It has always been our practice to step up our security presence during our peak periods, such as the June school holidays, to deal with the additional visitors," he said. The frequency of security patrols in GoldKist Beach Resort will also increase by 50 percent during peak periods, said Vikas. It is illegal to have sex with children under the age of 16. If the victims are between 12 and 14 years old, it is considered statutory rape and offenders can be jailed up to 20 years and fined or caned.

If the victim is above 14 but below 16, offenders can be jailed up to five years and fined $10,000 for carnal connection. The maximum penalty for rape is 20 years' jail with possible caning.

Sex and drug parties in Singapore chalets?

While it is usual to see teenagers in Singapore gathering in chalets for barbecues or birthday celebrations, some of their peers get together only to engage in sex and drug parties. Once intoxicated after a cocktail of alcohol and illegal drugs, some of these teens, which include girls as young as 14, engage in sexual intimacy -- from heavy petting to intercourse.

It is understood that such chalets stays are organised by some members of gangs in Singapore, and that they are getting more common. An 18-year-old former gangster who wanted to be known as John told The New Paper, "We would tell our parents that we were going for a barbecue, but we didn't even take any charcoal or chicken wings with us." While he had attended such sex-and-drug orgies twice, John — who left the gang last year after he was arrested for theft — claimed that he has not taken part in such vices.

"I don't do drugs, so I would go home when the rest got too 'high' and became violent or started taking their clothes off," said John, adding that most of the gang members at these parties were in their teens. Speaking in a mixture of Mandarin and Hokkien, John described the girls who take part in the parties as either "lor kway" (Hokkien for streetwalker) or some of them "ah dai" (fools). The former are girls considered to have loose morals, while "ah dai" refers to newbies who attend the chalet parties without knowing that drugs and sex are involved.

As they were under the influence of drugs such as ketamine and "ice", some of the teens have no recollection of their experiences the night before. The parties would usually have more males than females, said former gangsters. Such situations occasionally lead to several men sharing one woman and can even result in gang rape. When morning comes, they pack their bags and check out of their unit. The guys may go through the same routine a few months later with new girls, or "fresh meat" as they are called. A 28-year-old former gang member turned social worker, who wanted to be known as Peter, said he has not seen such a gang rape before, but he has heard of four or five such incidents among his former circle of friends.

"It is not just happening in chalets...such activities can also take place in pub shophouses or in the homes of the gang members," he added. However, John pointed out that not all chalet outings organised by his gangster friends involved sex and drugs.

Parents to be blamed?

Meanwhile, social workers said they have counseled those who have engaged in such vices as part of their gang activities. Those involved may not necessarily come from broken or low-income families, a common stereotype in the past, they said. But they noted that such teens usually suffer from an emotional emptiness at home. "Some parents give too little affection and neglect their children because they are busy, while others give too much attention because they are authoritative," said Faith Png, 39, a social worker with YouthReach. "Both will drive their children to seek freedom and love outside of the family and sometimes, the children befriend gangsters."

Executive director of Singapore Children's Society Alfred Tan, 50, blamed the media's portrayal of casual sex and easy access to pornography as resulting in the country's youth to become more promiscuous than in the past. "This is a worrying trend as there may be peer pressure to have sex. Instead of being harsh to their children, parents should get to know their friends," he told TNP. On the other hand, chalet operators said that they have not come across sex-and-drug-parties on their premises. Manager of Goldkist Beach Resort at East Coast Park Vikas Gupta, 22, said that the management has not encountered any such incidents thus far.

Steven Tang, director of Costa Sands Resort — which has two outlets in Pasir Ris and one in Sentosa — echoed the same thing, adding that it has always been its practice to increase security presence during peak hours. "It has always been our practice to step up our security presence during our peak periods, such as the June school holidays, to deal with the additional visitors," he said. The frequency of security patrols in GoldKist Beach Resort will also increase by 50 percent during peak periods, said Vikas. It is illegal to have sex with children under the age of 16. If the victims are between 12 and 14 years old, it is considered statutory rape and offenders can be jailed up to 20 years and fined or caned.

If the victim is above 14 but below 16, offenders can be jailed up to five years and fined $10,000 for carnal connection. The maximum penalty for rape is 20 years' jail with possible caning.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Bra Removal 101.


Errr... remember, do not try this at home.

I mean, you could... but make sure you have consent first ya. =)

Bra Removal 101.


Errr... remember, do not try this at home.

I mean, you could... but make sure you have consent first ya. =)

NSFW: Woman and Man Shower... =P


Errr..... NSFW. Go watch it lorrr....

NSFW: Woman and Man Shower... =P


Errr..... NSFW. Go watch it lorrr....

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Reasons Why It is Better to be Female. =)

Here are some reasons why it's better to be female...

They got off the Titanic first.

They can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

They never ejaculate prematurely.

They get to flirt with systems support men who always return their calls, and are nice to them when they blow up their computers.

They absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of their sexuality.

When they buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

They don't have to get our strength up between sessions...and it's much easier for us to get "some" in the first place.

They can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.

Their boyfriend's clothes make them look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in female clothes.

Reasons Why It is Better to be Female. =)

Here are some reasons why it's better to be female...

They got off the Titanic first.

They can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.

They never ejaculate prematurely.

They get to flirt with systems support men who always return their calls, and are nice to them when they blow up their computers.

They absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of their sexuality.

When they buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.

They don't have to get our strength up between sessions...and it's much easier for us to get "some" in the first place.

They can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.

Their boyfriend's clothes make them look elfin and gorgeous - guys look like complete idiots in female clothes.